Approaching 40: The art of not having it all figured out
I always believed that by the time I reached 40, I’d have everything neatly in place.
A career? Flourishing dream job
Finances? Stable, growing steadily, maybe even with a touch of sophistication.
Home and family? A sanctuary filled with warmth, peace, and love—perhaps even with perfectly matched photo frames (though anyone who knows me well will smile at the fact that I still have the original pictures that came with the frames).
Body and health? Balanced, strong, and full of energy.
But now, as I approach this milestone, instead of a quiet sense of achievement, I often feel hurried and unsettled—like I’m racing against an unseen clock. It’s as if turning 40 comes with an invisible deadline, a pressure to have life all figured out by then.
And yet… the older I get, the more I realise how much I don’t know. And surprisingly, that’s where the beauty lies.
Because what I am learning – slowly, gently – is that life isn’t about having everything figured out. It’s about becoming comfortable with not knowing, and finding joy in the detours, the distractions, the small pockets of peace.
There are days I look around at the chaos – laundry piles, school/class runs, forgotten to-do lists – and I laugh (or cry) at how far from “perfect” things are. I can’t meet every standard I set for myself. I can’t do it all. But I can do what I can manage. And on the days I give myself permission to just do that – not everything – I feel less overwhelmed, and more… accepting.
My children are growing faster than I can keep up with. I blink and they’ve moved on to a new phase. And I don’t want to miss it, stuck in the pressure of chasing some ideal version of success or completeness. Because the truth is, the list will never end. And ticking everything off doesn’t guarantee happiness.
Alongside learning to embrace uncertainty and growth, I’ve also come to understand the profound value of giving back. Helping others, whether through small acts of generosity or volunteering time, grounds me and brings perspective to the race against time. It reminds me that while I might not have everything figured out, I do have the capacity to contribute, to connect, and to make a positive difference.
So I’m learning to embrace progress over perfection, to let go of the myth that everything has to be done by a certain age. Life doesn’t start or stop at 40 – it continues to evolve. And perhaps the greatest freedom is accepting that we are allowed to keep evolving with it.
I’m choosing to see 40 not as a deadline, but as a doorway. A chance to deepen, to slow down, to breathe, and to find joy not in the destination – but in the becoming.
